When LaVita Came Out and Other Stories of Random Gender Assignment
“I was not ladylike, nor was I manly. I was something else altogether.
There were so many different ways to be beautiful.”
― Michael Cunningham, A Home at the End of the World
Darrell sat in front of his television, watching the San Diego Gay Pride Parade. It was June 1974, and the informal parade made its way down B Street to Balboa Park. It was a historical event and a first of its kind for San Diego. As he watched he saw a motorcycle that looked like his in the parade. As he continued to watch, he realized it was his motorcycle, his wife, and her girlfriend. And that is how he found out that his wife and the mother of his two children was a gay woman. Historically society views gender and gender as defined by our community, parents, and religion and interpreted by our anatomy. What happens when we do not conform to those roles as assigned to us based on our sexual organs? Can we still be beautiful in different ways?
The first gay person I met was my stepfather’s cousin Lyn Reed. He was married, had children, and he tried to kill himself when I was ten. Lyn wanted to die. He believed he had been born in the wrong body. It was in the 1970s, and transgender was not an accepted concept. According to an article written by Margaret Nichols, the world of gender fluidity is broadening and has even been renamed, gender dysphoria. The article goes on to say that the gay community was violent to people who were transgender during this time. Lyn never had the opportunity to fit in anywhere. His desperation took him to the edge of insanity. Today he lives as a woman, owns a hair salon, and has a husband. It was a long road for him.
For me, I grew up wearing red cowboy boots and playing with snap guns. My favorite television shows were Batman and Big Valley. I knew I was a girl, but I did not want to play with dolls or wear dresses. My mother never pushed me to “be a girl” and play with dolls or wear dresses. When she married my stepfather, he embraced having a tomboy for a daughter. He taught me how to ride horses and to shoot guns. I was his “little buddy” until my brother was born. But my new grandmother was concerned. She believed that what had happened to Lyn would happen to me, that I would come to think I was a boy. Grandmother expected a girl should be ladylike, to wear dresses, and to purport herself in a way that would never disgrace her family. I was anything but ladylike. I loved to rough house with my male cousins. I was always dirty and riding horses. So, my grandmother enrolled me in “classes” at church to teach me my proper role in society. I was to grow up to be a wife and mother. My goals should be to become a fantastic housekeeper and make some man a happy husband.
LaVita learned to be a good Catholic girl. She went to the same classes that I had attended, and she tried desperately to live the life that would keep her from going to hell. In 1970 she LaVita married Darrell. Darrell was home from Vietnam and was leaving San Diego to go back home to El Paso, Texas. Darrell’s mother, Mary, insisted that if he were bringing a woman home with him, they would be married, or they would not live together. So, Darrell and LaVita married in Las Vegas on the way to El Paso. Four years later, they were back in San Diego, raising two children and living next door to neighbors that they loved.
LaVita loved one of their neighbors may be a bit more than Darrell realized. At first LaVita moved him out of the bedroom. Next, she moved Pat, the neighbor from next door, into the bedroom. Darrell, who chose to be naïve, believed that his wife needed help with two small children. He never suspected that she and Pat were romantically involved until he saw them together in the San Diego Gay Pride Parade in 1974. When LaVita returned home, he asked if she had something to tell him. She replied that she in fact did have something; she was gay and in love with Pat. “Go back in the closet,” was all he could manage to say. LaVita began living life as a man on that day. She and Pat married and were together for over thirty years before divorcing.
I grew up to be straight much to the surprise of my family and church. I am often confused for a lesbian, though. I am not sure why maybe because I would rather be outside than doing ‘women’s work.” I prefer less traditional activities for a woman. I would have embraced the opportunity to go into the military when I graduated from high school had I had the chance. I am the “dude” in my marriage, I do the outside work like gardening and landscaping, while my husband prefers cooking and cleaning. We are comfortable with our non-gender specific roles.
Why is gender assignment necessary? What is gained or lost by recognizing a standardized gender role? For me, my gender has limited my opportunities. I work in an industry that sees only 6% of women in the candidate pool, and of those women who work with the technology sector, we make 45% less than our male counterparts (Forbes, 2018). I see change in today’s world and I applaud the women and men that have forged the path, but I know it is too late for me to benefit from the change financially. I was given the opportunity as a child to explore my world without gender rules for the most part. I am lucky to be exposed to people that live differently than the accepted mores and are treated differently because of those choices. I believe that a woman or a man should be able to fill whatever role they choose without limitations assigned due to some differences in anatomy. We can be beautiful differently.
The Market Basket
So, admittedly I am not part of most retailers’ dream demographic. I am older, no longer a Gen-Anything, and I hate shopping. So does that mean I am on my way out? Do retailers really care anymore what I do with my discretionary dollars?
The answer, of course, is yes.
And if retailers care about earning their fair share of my discretionary spend, they must be innovative. Retailers who want to distinguish their goods and services to meet the personal demands of every customer must recognize that differentiation is not just about what is selling but much more about who is buying…and why.
What Else is in Your Basket?
Take for instance a Market Basket study that I conducted not so long ago when I was a merchant for a big box retailer. I managed the area where candles, clocks and ready-to-assemble furniture could be found. Believe me, this was not necessarily the easiest place to drive sales. Most of the items in that category were not impulse items; they were “buy when you need them” products.
So in an attempt to grow the business, rather than restricting my analysis to sales of any one item, I began looking at complete baskets where my items sold. I was trying to find correlations with other items in the shopping cart. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that the number one item sold with scented candles was…strawberries.
Strawberries? With scented candles? Really? Why would that be true? What could possibly be driving shoppers to regularly buy such very different items at the same time?
Of course, my team had fun with these questions. Maybe it was a guy that was in trouble at home, they said. What better way to make up with the wife then to give her strawberries and scented candles. How romantic. Or maybe it could have been a newly single woman enjoying a long bath surrounded by scented candles and feasting on decadent strawberries.
Real Analytics Lead to Real Results
Their theories were endless and sometimes hilarious, but the analytics were real. I realized if I wanted to sell more candles, I was going to have to partner with the strawberry buyer. Together, we theorized that merchandising the two items together on a great little end cap or across the aisle from one another made sense. According to the analytics, sales should increase. I mean, they would no longer have to look all the way across the floor for each item individually, right?
And you know what? Sales did increase. The numbers did not lie, and we won the game (at least this time, anyway).
That victory would not have been possible, however, had the company I worked for not invested in analytics. Retail analytics can create incredible opportunities for retailers at every level and in every category. Market Basket Analysis, a key aspect of Customer Relationship Management (CRM) is not just for brick and mortar stores, either. The best CRM programs use technology and analysis to help merchants understand the customer at the core of their shopping behavior, no matter when, where or how they shop.
I learned first-hand how studying customers in all channels can improve business relationships, increase customer retention, and drive sales. Shoppers want retailers to know who they are and what they want, even when they may not necessarily know what they want themselves.
New Possibilities
Imagine the new possibilities empowered by Market Basket Analysis. Imagine a customer has purchased an amazing blouse online and requested that it be delivered to the store for pick up. We know from our analysis that the blouse she bought has been paired with leggings and a floral scarf by most of the women who bought the blouse. Using that information, we can do several things to increase revenue. We can offer the paired items at checkout online. We can include a package-stuffer including an image of the paired items and a coupon.
Or we could instruct store associates to suggest the pairing when the blouse is picked up at the store. When we consider that 90% of all purchasing decisions are made subconsciously, suggestive selling based on a shoppers’ past behavior has a tremendous chance for success.
Under the Brilliant Sun
7 Lessons
One of my favorite television shows is “Tiny House Hunters” (#TinyHouseHunters) on HGTV. The tiny house movement is all about living simply in truly tiny houses that are typically less than 500 square feet. It fascinates me that people can truly downsize that much and then live comfortably…off the grid.
A radical downsizing of this nature may be a pipe dream for many, but those who thrive in this lifestyle have learned a thing or two about living the good life and making the most of what they’ve got.
As retailers we are often guilty, I think, of forgetting to slow down and savor our successes. We keep pushing for more, more, more, and we forget that sometimes less can truly be more.
Here are seven things I’ve learned from watching people live in tiny houses that I think may apply to how we manage our retail business:
Lesson #1: Sweat the Small Stuff
Pay attention to the things that make you great. What little things do you do every day to make a difference in your world? Do your customers know you appreciate them? Sometimes something as simple as hand-wrapping a purchase can make a customer feel appreciated.
Square Footage Ain’t Nothin’ but a Number
In today’s retail environment sales per square foot really doesn’t mean what it used to. Think about ways to maximize what you have and even downsize your stores’ footprint. Consider showrooming as opposed to carrying a full line of inventory. Buy Online and Ship to Store and Endless Aisle are ways to expand your product offerings without increasing your overhead.
Make a List
Inventory can be both your best friend and your worst enemy. Learn how to make your inventory work for you. Analyze all your data and look for the exceptions. Almost 80% of your inventory is going to work just like you expect to focus your attention on the other 20%. What are you about to run out of? What do you need to consider closing out?
Recognizing risk before it becomes a reality can turn liabilities into profits.
Almost Anything can be a Store
For tried and true brick and mortar retailers, this can be a tough concept. But really, must you have four physical walls to sell your product?
I recently talked to a group for whom retailing is a significant part of their business, but it’s not the core of their business. They have multiple retail-like outlets across their physical footprint. They surprised me when they told me that every sales location they have is uniquely identified and carries its own inventory.
A popcorn vendor…or a store?
Why is that surprising? Because they have people who walk their facility selling items, (sometimes food, sometimes trinkets or souvenirs), and each person is considered a unique sales location, each with their own unique inventory.
This model made me think about the companies that struggle with the shared inventory concept: Could overcoming their struggles be as simple as having unique locators for every stop along the supply chain?
Less Home Means Less Home Improvement
Every retailer knows that doing business in a brick and mortar environment is costly. The Four Wall profit concept has closed many a store, especially recently. As large enclosed malls begin to struggle, the cost of square footage is decreasing rapidly as the retail real estate bubble pops. But conversely, does that mean you should run out and open a bunch of pop-up mall locations?
You should probably not act without considering the additional costs. Remember, as tiny house inhabitants know only too well, sometimes less really is more.
Surround Yourself with Your Favorite Stuff
When downsizing you must really dig deep. You must identify all the things in your life that really matter and leave behind all the other “stuff.” Retailers need to do the same thing from time to time. Whether it’s a long-standing style that has lasted through several seasons or an old business process that consumes more time than it should, we need to take time to reflect and trim excess.
For me, one of the hardest things to leave behind as a merchant was Excel spreadsheets. I still remember how I used to love those Monday morning notebooks, each at least three inches deep. But I hated all the work I had to do on Sunday night just to feel prepared on Monday morning.
Even when we eventually adopted modern analytics tools, and I began to realize that integrated and automated dashboards could dramatically improve my work/life balance, I still felt the pain of losing some of my favorite stuff.
Invest in the Basics
In 2004, Lego was on the brink of bankruptcy. They had sold off the theme parks and anything else that wasn’t nailed down. They knew the end was near. Digital natives (oh those blasted millennials!), didn’t want to play with things that didn’t require batteries.
At least that is what all the big data models said…and Lego was listening. Thank goodness they also took the time to listen to their customers. Real customers, like a 12-year-old boy in Germany. Without him and others like him, they would never have created the huge kits, like the 5,900 piece Taj Mahal, that is now a mainstay of their multi-faceted business.
The Lego Taj Majal in Legoland, a full-size version of the 5,900 piece home kit
So the next time you are thinking of ways to take your retail business to the next level, stop and think of lessons you can learn from people who live in Tiny Houses. They seem to have a handle on making the most out of what they’ve got.
When Will the World Began to Think Again?
Farhad Manjoo recently wrote an essay, “Do I Really Have to Join Twitter?” In that essay, Farhad asserts that many people believe that Twitter is a waste of time (163). The chronicling of our daily activities in minute detail with a 140-character limitation seems to fascinate the populace. However, people flock to online dating sites, cling to the tweets of an overzealous president, and share their most intimate details on Facebook. Have people lost the ability to amuse or educate themselves without technological aid? Is it possible that people will lose their enthrallment with the internet and instant gratification? Or are they destined to a world of online entrapment?
According to Nicholas Carr’s essay, “Does the Internet Make You Smarter or Dumber?” surfing the internet continually means people are sacrificing the ability to engage meaningfully off-screen (23). In the day and age of COVID-19, distance learning has replaced in classroom learning. There is a real concern that the attention spans of young people will be impacted negatively as they exposed to more hours of screen learning. The need to be self-sufficient and able to learn independently is evident in the online learning environment. The idea that individuals who are distracted continuously during learning do not develop the cognitive and neural connections necessary to retain information (22). Will humans be too distracted to realize what they are losing?
It is possible that humans will not understand close relationships were once necessary for their social and mental health. There was a time when friends would connect socially, creating networks that supported their mental health, provided the opportunity to expand those networks, and ultimately provide a safe place to meet others. Today the emergence of algorithm-driven dating sites has taken one of the benefits of in-person socialization and moved it to scientific concentration (165). The days of blind dates and being set up by friends are long gone. That scientific concentration includes what a viewer sees when browsing the internet. Companies such as Facebook began guiding what information users are exposed to based on these algorithms as of September 5, 2006 (168). Do humans even know what they are missing? If the algorithms focus on a browsing history how will it know to include new content going forward?
In her essay, “Cyberspace: If You Do not Love It, Leave It,” Ester Dyson explored the idea of regulation of the internet; Dyson contends that regulation will never work (348) and goes on to assert that the likelihood of communities springing up throughout the realm of cyberspace is all but inevitable. Segregation by constraints that create conflict in the real world would be embraced and cultivated (349).
As the world of cyberspace and technology continues to separate people from human contact and adds layers upon layers of distraction to the development of young people, consideration must be given to the limitation of screen interaction. Children raised in the computer age, those who have never known a world without computers, view the world differently. Those individuals see the world through binary eyes, either on or off, 1s and 0s (726). While Dyson asserted that regulation would never be effective (348) she also points out a way that could in fact resolve many of the ills that plague the world today. Gelernter states that computers can become society’s worst nightmare by removing the ability to think critically and to remove a student’s ability to perform even necessary skills such as arithmetic or spelling (212).
Have people lost the ability to amuse or educate themselves without technological aid? Is it possible that people will lose their enthrallment with the internet and instant gratification? Or are they destined to a world of online entrapment? Based on the evidence presented in the cited essays, society has made the shift to computers and cyberspace. All that is left is for the reliance and the need to balance out as people return to personal interaction through time and screen management. The hope is that people will realize that they still need human interaction and that critical is an art that cannot be lost.
Poetry, Short Stories, and Mad Ravings 